<- Bad Karma ->
Oddly enough I have been getting phone calls with good news and just calls really in the last few days, today was no exception.
Then Dana called and really I had to get off the phone with her.
You know when you realize when someone talks to you more like a girlfriend that a good friend?
It was making me sick to my stomach. She kept talking to me in this controlling manner as if now things have changed so I sent her this email...
Dana,
I know that I should probably be telling you this over the phone but I have chosen not to.
The reason I got off the phone with you was that it all of a sudden dawned on me that you were talking to me as though I was your girlfriend or something and that bothered me.
I kind of got the idea when you sent me the flowers (which were wonderful and sweet) but I did not want to believe that you thought of us as anything more than friends.
I think you are a sweetheart and so much more and I think that you have so much to give someone who deserves it. I do not deserve it! I am not the one that should have recieved those flowers from you. First of all let me say that you live a long way away from here and I do not do long distance relationships. That is not what I want in my life right now and more importantly it is not what I need. I do not think you need that either.
The closer we grow to each other is the more I feel as though my back is up against a wall. The reason I say that is because I feel as though I do not want to hurt your feels by saying what I have said but as the same time I think now is the time for it to be said. You know and have seen what I have been through with the lies that I have been told even though I wanted to trust someone and, well, I do not want to become that person to you. I do not want to lead you on or lead you to believe that something is going to change between us anytime soon. Not to mention that there is someone that I am interested in and I do not want to start things off the wrong way or end up being untrustworthy.
I love you alot and I care about you so much and I want you to be happy above anything else and if you know me you will know that what I am saying is true. You know that I like you and if circumstances were different we could look at things in a different light.
I hope this all makes sense to you. You are always there for me and vice versa I appreciate that and I want it to forever be that way.
Love, Love, Love,
Larissa
I had to do it. It was the one and only thing that made sense to do. I could not hold it in anymore and carrying on like this would have been selfish. Besides my heart and mind really only have room for one.
I hope this is not bad karma or something, though I think I did the right thing.
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What s Up - 2004-05-04