<- Time for a Change... ->
Where to begin?
Well Sarah ended up surprising me and just showing up on Monday which was good. I decided that I was going to have to have more faith with the idea that she is going to come when she says she is going to. Not that she has let me down in the past at all but oh well. We went to dinner had drinks and then went to the bar. I was interested in the fact that I wanted to be at the bar but then again I almost did not want to be. I wanted to introduce her to all the people I have been talking about but I did not want to share our time with anyone else. She is so wonderful to me. I can trust her. I should trust her. She makes me laugh and it is not all just in my head. It is for real.
When she left I just went to sleep. I was content but at the same time I wanted to put everything in my life into perspective.
The truth is that I am frustrated. Things are not going the way that they need to and I am sitting by and watch it all happen. I need to be proactive. I need to make changes. My pothead best friend Elise is quitting smoking and drinking and all that stuff. Though I am not sure how long it is going to last I need to follow her example. Change is good, cleaning house is good. Waking up with out a hangover and the stress on my body from drinking all night is good. I am 22 right now and I need to make 22 year old choices. I am not saying that I am not going to go out anymore but really I love to travel. That is my thing. I love to go places. I love to meet people who are going places. This is not fun anymore, not like it used to be. So I am fixing it all. I am going to get it all squared out in my head with my mom. I told her today the truth about so many things. I think she is happy that I am coming home. She always wants to make it better for me most of the time.
The best part is that Sarah is going to be in Boston when I am there. I want her to meet my mom! For the first time I am not afraid to have someone meet my mom. I know that she is going to make a great impression on her. We may not get the chance to meet up but I am thinking that if we do it will be great fun. I am thinking about cooking them dinner or something. My mom has really great china and dinnerware and these really beautiful crystal glasses and wine glasses so I love to make dinner when I go home.
I am leaving in a couple of weeks so that gives me time to get some of my shit together and stuff so I am not a complete wreck when I get there.
My mom also yelled at me all morning about not taking care of myself and trying to take care of everyone else's shit, even hers.
I do need to start taking care of myself because I am really begining to hate alot of things.
I have the will power. The last time I felt this way about something and I changed it was the whole being honest with Sarah thing. And look how far I have come now?!?! Who would have thought that I would drop that "afraid" routine like a bad habit?
This will be a piece of cake...
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